Although I never thought I’d see myself in this specific scenario at 31, it’s one I find myself in often. Whenever I travel within California by car, I try to hit a new skatepark along the way. Or a few - if it makes sense.
Going alone to a new skatepark is like walking into a middle school cafeteria after transferring to a new school at the start of the year. It’s a certain kind of nervous. Distinctly special. On some level I’m sure many of you can relate. Adjacently or actually.
It’s that feeling of being out of place, but wanting to belong. It’s knowing that at another cafeteria I have people, I have a crew. But in this context, I’m a fish out of water and a 31 year old trying to skateboard. In most settings I can fit in pretty well. Slide under the radar. But when it comes to skating it’s hard to camouflage that I’m a 31 year old who didn’t pick it up till later in life.
I wouldn’t call it confidence that gets me to go out there, but more or less the fear of missing out and regretting I didn’t at least try. But I am the opposite of confident.
I’m actually smirking as I write this, because I was at a new park this weekend and now reflecting on how I acted is quite hilarious.
If I was an outside party playing witness to me the other day, I would have been so confused. I know I walked out there so confident, almost like it wasn’t even my first time there.
I immediately sat on a bench and fixed my shoes, barely looking around. Ya know, mostly because I was nervous I’d catch eye contact with anyone and they’d know I wasn’t skilled. But it absolutely came across as confident since I’m comfortable wearing that mask for protection.
When I finally skated, I could barely break out my normal bag of tricks. And since my bag is so limited - I end up tripping over my own feet as I attempt to ollie around unable to maintain balance or any connection with my board. My legs don’t feel like my own and I can’t control a thing I do.
You wouldn’t even know I skated a day before in my life. Or at least that’s the thought running through my head. I’d like to think I practice positive self talk, but I’ve got bad habits like everyone.
A funny thing happens after a while though. I’m determined to land my best trick, a backside 180. It’s all I can think about. I mean I land it no problem all the time. It’s my best move. If I just focus I can do it. And I do. Plus I’m actually on a little bit of a decline, so I’m throwing it faster than usual and rolling away with some speed.
It’s was pretty cool. And for a second I felt cool. Truly, I love skating.